'Please, Time' by Ruby Wallace (she/her)

Pain. I feel it every single day. It is relentless. Never ending. I pray for a break but of course the break never comes.

Chronic. Thats the word. The dictionary defines 'chronic' as 'lasting for a long time or happening over and over again.' Over and over again. Never ending. No break, no refuge. It's like a terrifying ride that I can't get off. If I jump I fall, but if I stay I plummet down the drop. The only difference is the track. 

It comes from the greek word 'khronos' meaning time. Time is a funny thing. The concept eludes any of our understanding. It ebbs and flows but never pauses. Never ceases its journey. Just like pain. 

When we are younger we wish for it to hurry up. When we are older we wish for it to slow down. But when we are in pain, we want it to stop. Not forever. Just a pause. All we want is a break. All I want is a break. Just a small respite. 

I've tried the meds, the heat packs, naps, movement, physio. Every online tip and all the advice has been followed and exhausted. But nothing seems to work. So, I've gone to Time. Time, you have the power to stop, and to stop my pain. Sleep comes close but it's just not enough. Sleep cannot achieve the same as Time. I'd give you anything to stop. To change the definition, the experience, the emotion. 

Please, Time. It's my only request. 

☆ ☆ ☆

This was a piece that I wrote in my journal in the following spread. I spent 10 minutes writing, no breaks and only in the gaps I had around the star. I let myself feel the emotion that my constant pain brings, and I wrote. And this is what came out.